How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
