neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
