i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's shark week go big or go home
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
