I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
