Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize