Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
