I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
