I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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