and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
