Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
