You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
