she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
