dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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