The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
