You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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