btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize