Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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