he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
