That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
