He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize