My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
