I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
