I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
