I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
