so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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