You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
