Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
