I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
