i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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