a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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