good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
