now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
