Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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