google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
