I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
