I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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