the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
