I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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