Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
