You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
