Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
