I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
