my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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