you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
