I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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