I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize