Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
