he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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