I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
love makes seman taste better
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
