so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
being pregnant is like rehab
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
