Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
