apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
