ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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