I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
