girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
