So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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