Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
