I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
