yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
