biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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