All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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