Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
