Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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