I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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