her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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