the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
