and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
