I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
