OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
