I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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