Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
