Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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