I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize