I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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