Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
