NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
