I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize